I Still Think Of You

I know we let go, but I still cant deny my feelings for you never did die. How stupid of me to say, I think of you every day.

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,
   I met a boy today. Prepare to shatter.

Pon & Zi

It takes a couple of seconds to say hello, but it takes forever......to say goodbye.

My life

She wakes up every morning looks in the mirror and dosent like what she see's. She wishes he what it felt like to be her. That he knew the pain and saddness of wanting some one so bad but you cannot have them. She can hardly stand to look at him at times because she is afraid she might burst into tears, but she wants him to look at her in hopes that he might realize how much he really loves her back but wishes don't always come true, but still at times she wished he only knew how much she loved him, but at others she wished he didnt know her nor she him at all. For she is afraid of how he will react if he knew how much she loved him. If he regected her it would kill her. It would make her life more worthless then it already was without him, but a life without him and knowing that he regects her is  more then she can bear. She is unsure, unsure of everything. Sometimes she finds him stareing at her and that gives her hope but when he is hateful it fades away. She hates herself for not being good enough for him to want her. She hates herself so much.

Save Me I Beg Of You

Save me from this awful place. Just take me away. I can't stand it any more. Save me before this hungry world swallows me whole. I don't want the pain any more. I'm sick of heartbreak, anger insanity and depression. Take me to a happy place. A place were goth/emo boys and girls can live some what happily with the regulars. Not get a weird look every were you go. I know that we are used to the looks and having people being scared of us is fun, I know that but wouldn't it be nice just to be excped for who we are and to not always be the person that someone suspects of doing somthing wrong. Not all of us are bad people, why can't the regulars open their fucken eyes and realize that. That would make life a whole lot simpler, eaiser and a little bit better. But we all know that, that day will never come. We will never be excepted. We shall always be outcast from the world. Everyone else will always hate us. But frankly right now i'm fine with that.

Why can't I???

Just yesterday I was prepared to die. Honestly I would like to die, I would like to get rid of all the pain. Oh I might just try. All my suicide attempts have failed, i've taken pill after pill after pill, that didn't work. I've slit my arms open upto my sholders to try and bleed to death, i've tried to drownd myself that didn't work either. Why can't I fucken die. Mabey I'll just jab somthing sharp and metal into my head just to end it all, but with my luck that won't work. I want to die. I want to end the pain. I just want my struggle with insanity to just fucken end already. I'm so twisted and fucked up. Why won't death consume me already!!!. Do I have to jump off a fricken 20 story building. Why can't I just die. Why........can't........I.......just........die.......

The Truth

I hate reality, it is a painful, soul sucking dark place. I choose not to face it at all. Every day I pretend I don't notice the things going on around me. I choose to let my mind wander, I let it go to a happier place, well you know more or less happy. This is a terrible world we live in. Everyone lives a lie. There is no truth any more every thing is a lie. Trust no one. I've gone as far as barley even trusting myself. Listen to me, what I say is real. Weither or not you choose to belive me deep down inside you know that what I say is real.

Wish me luck with insanity

Wish me luck with insanity. I'm going to counceling on the 8th. I can't stand shrinks. They pretend to be your friends, then gossip about you to every body. Then you go to the hospital and are treated like a lab rat. ARRRG!!!!!! I can't stand it. Wish me luck and hope i dont attack anybody.

Our hevanly father

Our hevanly father. He protects us, keeps us safe. He is riseing. Be prepared to meet our father.

We are to stick together

We are alone in this world. Nobody understands us. Just because we are Goth\Emo dosent mean that THEY can take away our rights and privleges. They will judge you by the way you look. The way you talk, dress and every thing else about you just because you arent like THEM. Do not let that bring you down. Us Goth\Emo's have got to stick together. We are family. We are all children of the Devil.

My Thanks

I have become aware that people from all over the U.S., Russia and Germany have been veiwing and reading my blog. I thank you all very much. Thank you for joing and noticeing the DARKNESS.

This is America?

If I asked u to jump off a bridge would u the awnser today would be how high is the bridge? This is America they say a home for people who want freedom. Do they think this is freedom?!?! The government has brain washed us so much they've practicall made us all Idiots. America is so dumb now we don't even know we're being scammed and con Ed out of our daily lives. Think about it the gov constantly watches you. Steals your information. think about it really. Come to America we will take away your privacy and make you unbelievably dumb you'll do any thing we tell you to. ENJoY life while we watch you.

My mother

My mother who looked upon my emo face and cried because she cOuld look no longer. My mother Who is a tattered soul in every way. My mother Who shall always be there even though my daddy Ryan might not be. My mother whoeans every thing to me. My mother who says she has every right to judge me. My mother my one true friend. My mother the one who sins. My mommy and daddy we at one big happy emo white zacan family. My mother my super epic mother gennie

Join us

I am a fallen soul. Death consumes me. It gave me insanity. I am scared. Are you. You should be. Darkness has taken over me. It has attacked the ones I love and taken them from me. But I do not hate the darkness. Really I. Actually love it. It can take Anything from me I will still worship it. People can die and I will not live the lie that every body else dose saying they miss you every min of every day. They don't. You should listen to me my fellow readers do not grieve and live the rest of your life a lie because somethUing devastating has happened. Your world is not ending fit is just the beginng. Join the darkness it welcomes you. You can't trust your family. You can only trust your friends. Be joyous over death. Now I say as I stand join the darkness

What is REALITY

• Days with little sleep 11
• Insane outburst 5
• Spirts met 18

I am starting not to be able to whats real and whats not any more. I can hardly remember what happend the night before. Even as I type this it seems so unrealistic. Reality just seems so fake and animated. Its just so unreal.

• Days with litte sleep. 6
•  Insane outburst. 3
• Spirts met. 17

This is my NEOPET it is epic.

CLICKS and "FITTING IN"

• Day's with little sleep. 5
• Insane outbursts. 2
•  Spirits met. 14

I wonder why people are scared of me? They shy away from me. Its cool but still, i wonder what it would be like to fit in. Be in so called "it" crowd. Yeah i've got my own click (SHOUTOUT to gennie , michkalya scarah , jessie ,my bestie kaitlan ,both of the serria's , emily , aleisha). I have also pondered if the people in the "it" crowd wondered what it would be like to be an outsider. Every body is secretly jealous of something. I also know that most people in the"it" crowd have deep dark inner secrets.

Sleep & Dreams

I have over thought sleep entirely. i even went all panicky. But seriously if you fall asleep will you wake up. I have also wondered if the moment you fall asleep is the moment you wake up mentally, and dreams are they real. Are dreams your second life or somthing and how come you have so many dreams at night but only can remember a few. Also how some people can dream the future my best friend can do that and so can i it's really trippy. Sleep and dreams are the kind of thing that are sooo trippy you can't even begin to comprehend like the never ending universe. Don't even get me started on that. It's just so trippy when you think about it.

BinLaden's Cat

from http://www.icanhascheeseburger.com/ hahahahahahhahaahhahahahROTFL X 99999999999

Justin beaver or beiber no wait its UGLY ya dats it

hahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahha so true i got this from icanhascheeseburger.com i made a lot of lolz i suggest you check out the site really. k

They are real.

I beliveve in every thing mythical and or magical because my theorie is if their not real

• How come we know what they look like?
• How come people have reported seeing them?
• How come there are so many different stories about them?
• Why do so many people belive in them?
• Why would somebody make this up

I'm serious like faries are real just like UFO's,vampires, GREEK GODS, mythological monsters. I belive every one has there own gaurdian fairy that gives them there own special skill. I belive i have an arts fairy because i can build, draw and write so well. I have also caught a glimst of my fairy. If you pay attention to what you are good at you can find out what fairy you have. Also if you look close you can probably see it if you try.

Generation dead

Do you belive in love after death. Duh. Zombies are real living among us right now they look the same as us  fell the same as us you dont even know their there. They live among us.

People are Judgey

Dont you just hate it when people just like shuve stuff in you face and expect you to belive it or to love it. I do like with the news, religion,race it really bugs me. How they think they know you how they think they know what youre going through but they don't. People are soooooooo judgey the way you look, act, talk, religion, race and what you belive in. What I think is they have no right to judge me. They don't know me. People judge me just by the way I look and they haven't even spoken to me before. What I think is you should know some body before you judge them. But  nooooooooo nobody ever listens to a teen, noooo were to young and juivenille to know anything. See thats discrimanition aginst age just cause were not 40 dosen't mean we don't know squat about the world and people. If people would listen to us more mabey all this bad stuff in the world would seem eaiser don't you think?

Insane ilusion

Have you ever wondered if life is just an insane illusion? You are not alone. I have even wondered if we are in a never ending sleep. Sleeping forever because whatever government dose not want us to see what is real. I have also wondered if we are just a peice in so big game in the universe. Our every move being controlled. You are not alone.